Apr 22

English 205 Final Project

Category: Misc.

Originally, this assignment was limited to a 9 page maximum and needed to show setting, internal and external conflict, and a bunch of other stuff.

Anyway, I need to do a revision of it by next Tuesday, the revision can have as many pages as I want. There is a notable lack of internal conflict in this story, among other flaws. To all of my readers, I’d like as much input from you on improvements as possible. I know the ending is wonky, so suggestions there are very appreciated.

Note: Anne Marie’s name and likeness are used, but her powers and goals are very different. Consider this “fanon” as far as she’s concerned.

Thanks very much for your help, guys.
-The Drewcifer

Story:

Unlucky

by Andrew Blatt

Most people don’t believe me when I tell them I’m psychic. I can’t say I blame them. In fact, I’m always a little suspicious of people who do believe me right off the bat. That said, I’m being 100% serious when I say that’s what I am.

Not professionally, of course. I’ve never met a genuine psychic who made money from his or her “gift.” Unlike some of the frauds, I can find my own car in a parking lot. Most of my clairvoyance, though, is the ability to see my immediate future. I know you’re thinking that that sounds great, but it’s not. See, to go along with that little edge, I have terrible luck. So when I stare into the infinite maw of Probability, all I see is how much my life is going to suck in about five minutes.

I seem to have forgotten to introduce myself. My name is Gregory Hallen. As I’ve mentioned I’m a psychic by nature, though not by profession. I’m pretty much always between jobs, a side effect of the bad luck. Doesn’t bother me too much, though. I can always see what’ll give me the best results during an interview, so getting new jobs isn’t much of a problem.

When you’re psychic, seeing things like ghosts isn’t supposed to be a big deal. Somehow, I never quite got to that point. I think that the restless dead make me uncomfortable because they throw off my predictions. I can’t read anything about the future when ghosts are involved. Once you get used to a life with no surprises, even if that life isn’t all that great, surprises start to make you very uncomfortable.

Which is why I’m never quite as happy to see my dad as one might expect.

“Hello, Greg.” My old man’s voice is slow and melancholy. Not because he’s dead, though. He’s sounded like that for as long as I can remember.

I jump slightly in my chair, then put down my paper and turn to face my father.

“Hi, Dad. What can I do for you today?”

These visits are starting to get out of hand. Before, it was unusual for me to encounter a ghost more than once every two or three years. Even after Dad died, he would just drop in twice a year; once on my birthday, once on his. Simple, little things. But this is the third time Dad’s been here this month.

But he shrugs it off like it’s nothing. “Just wanted to see how you’re doing, Greg. I worry about you a lot. I worry about your mom, too, but she can’t see me.”

Uh oh. Looks like Dad’s going to work himself into a ramble if I don’t do something.

“Look, Dad, something must be up. You’ve visited me more in these few weeks than you have in all the rest of the four years since you died. I know you. You don’t get that sentimental. And you know that you being around tends to gum up the one single talent I have.”

Dad’s trapped. Everything I’ve just said is pretty much spot on, so there’s no use in him arguing it. He sighs and looks at me with an unfamiliar expression. After a moment, I realize that it’s pride.

“I always knew you were smarter than we gave you credit for,” he says to me. Great. That makes me feel just wonderful.

“Right, whatever.” This is becoming irritating. “Look, Dad, if this is something I can help with, tell me. If not, you need to let me get back to my life. Birthdays are still fine, but you can’t just hang around the living all the time. We’re both supposed to be moving on.”

Dad shifts uncomfortably. He hasn’t really changed any of his mannerisms since his death. It’s somewhat unnerving. People are supposed to be different after they die.

“I just wanted to make sure you were safe. There’s been some sort of plague or something. Something is killing psychics and no one can tell what it is.”

Something killing psychics? That seems strange. “But,” say, frowning. “Wouldn’t we be able to see it coming? That’s kinda what we do. My life’s kinda shitty, but I’m not usually in any sort of mortal danger.”

My dad grimaces. “That’s the problem. Whatever it is, it’s striking without warning. I guess I just want to tell you to be careful. Don’t rely too much on your ‘gift.’ Keep your eyes open in the present, too.”

As much as I hate to admit it, his frequent visits have been forcing me to ease off reliance on reading the future. Whether he realizes this or not is a matter of speculation. Still, I’m glad he decided to warn me.

“Thanks Dad. I’ll keep on my toes.”

“Love you, Greg,” he say as he fades from view.

Funny, he rarely said that when he was alive.

The futures I can see slowly become relevant again. The thing about my clairvoyance is that it doesn’t stop when I’m dealing with ghosts. If that were the case, I’d still know when they were around from the “blackout.” Instead, timelines and futures with the ghosts in them just never show up.

That’s when it hits me.

This malevolent presence hunting down psychics, it must be ghostly in nature. It’s the only thing that really fits. And Dad probably knew that, but couldn’t tell me. There seem to be a lot of very strange and arbitrary rules governing the behavior of the dead, one of which seems to be a restriction against telling any living being what exactly the rules are.

Right. Sorry about that. I seem to have inherited my father’s legendary ability to ramble ever since I hit my thirties. So where were we? Right, my potentially looming death.

So far I’m betting it’s another ghost, obviously a malevolent one. Though to be honest, I’ve never heard of a ghost outright killing anyone, which always led me to believe that they couldn’t. The number of murders who would prefer not to be stopped by death is not a small number, let me tell you. But I’ve faced down the spirits of serial killers and saints alike, finding them equally unable to touch me.

This is turning out to be a great day so far.

I do know someone who might be able to help me solve this little mystery. After all, that’s what she does. So I take the bus downtown and end up at the offices of one Miss Anne Marie Thompson, private investigator.

I raise my hand to knock on her door, but am interrupted by Anne Marie’s voice.

“Come on in, Greg.”

Did I mention she’s a psychic, too? I know what you’re thinking. But we’re the only two in this town. It’s only natural that we’d know each other, right?

I open the door and close it behind me. Anne Marie’s office is small and sparse. Three sets of filing cabinets, a desk, and two chairs are the only furnishings she has. The air in here is think and smells heavily of nicotine. Sitting behind the desk is Anne Marie herself, smoking a cigarette.

At thirty-two, Anne Marie is quite a looker. She is, like me, average height. Her dad was a boxer, so she learned and used his training regimen, which keeps her in shape and ready to kick the ass of the punks she usually ends up chasing down. She keeps her dirty-blonde hair just short of shoulder length. You’d think two thirty-something, single psychics would have hooked up at some point, right? You’d be right, though that was a while ago. Back when we were still twenty-somethings.

“So, Greg,” she says, blowing blue smoke into the ceiling fan. “What brings you to me today?”

Interaction between two psychics has an effect similar to, yet totally different from, interaction with ghosts. Similar in that our talents will be largely useless in our interactions with each other. Different in that I can see futures with Anne Marie in them, they’re just fuzzy and constantly shifting. It’s much less unsettling.

“I got a visit from my Dad today,” I say, dropping into the seat across from her and placing my feet on the desk. “He had some rather downer news for me.”

“Just so we’re clear, this is your dead dad we’re talking about, right?” She’s got the same apathetic edge to her voice as always. But her eyes tell me she’s interested despite the act.

“Yes, my dead dad.”

“Okay, so what was this news?”

I take down my feet and lean in, resting my elbows on the desk. “He says there’s been a slew of psychic killings lately. That none of them saw it coming. Heard anything about it?”

Anne Marie shakes her head. “I’ve been out of town the last couple of weeks. I read about a couple of deaths, but I didn’t think it was anything connected. Any ideas who’s responsible?”

“I was thinking a ghost, actually.”

She frowns. “That’d fit the bill nicely, except I don’t know of any way a ghost could kill someone. And the couple of deaths I did hear about sounded pretty gruesome.”

I shrug. “I figure that’s your job. You’re the investigator. Do you think you can do a bit of digging? It’d be in your best interests, too.”

Another long drag on the cigarette. “Yeah, I’ll look into it. It’s a pretty small crowd we’re dealing with, so I should know something by evening. I’ll call you around six.”

With my hand on the doorknob I turn back to Anne Marie. “Hey, be careful, okay?”

She smiles at me. “You too, Greg.”

And with that, I’m gone. While I’m in town I collect my unemployment check then head home to wait for Anne Marie’s call.

The phone rings at 6:14. I pick it up on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“Greg? It’s Anne Marie.”

“Did you manage to dig up anything useful?”

“I’ve got a few leads, yeah. And I think I have a good idea of who our mysterious
psychic-killer is. Can you meet me at that old warehouse on the south side of town? Do you know which one I’m talking about?”

“The one that closed down in ’93?”

“That’s the one.”

“Sure. When do you want me to be there?”

“Head on over now. I’ll meet you there.” Click.

And that’s the end of that conversation. I pull on a coat and head out. The warehouse is close enough for me to walk. Besides, it’s a pretty nice night and I could use the exercise.

When I get there, Anne Marie is outside, waiting for me. She tosses me a flashlight.

“You’re going to need that. The power’s been off in there for quite a long time.”

I nod and she leads the way into the old warehouse.

“So Anne Marie, what do you expect to find here?” I look around the warehouse, moving my flashlight along the walls and ceiling, turning my body around slowly. When I turn back to face Anne Marie, I find myself staring down the business end of a revolver.

“I expected to find answers.”

The future becomes staticky and unreadable. Each decision that Anne Marie or I considers alters the possible futures. The end result is like watching pay-per-view channels that you haven’t paid for. The pictures are distorted and scrambled.

So I stop reading the future. The sudden clarity of Anne Marie’s second sight disorients her just enough for me to duck behind a huge cable spool, left over from better days of this warehouse’s operation. I start to comb the threads of time as soon as I’m hidden, effectively jamming both Anne Marie and I.

“Why are you doing this, Anne Marie?” I run from one spool to the next, staying low and fast. Anne Marie squeezes off two shots, the second one just barely missing my right foot..

“We’re not meant to be, Greg!” The frustration and pain in her voice is completely different from the casual savoir-faire that she usually projects.

“What do you mean?” Another mad dash for a piece of broken and rusted industrial machinery. Another two shots, this time both of them going wild.

“This so-called ‘gift’ has never helped anyone. It’s brought both of us hardship and bad luck. The best we can manage to do is take advantage of other people with it. It’s been the same for every other psychic I’ve talked to. We’re a cancer on the world, Greg. I’ve decided to be the chemo.”

She’s raving. I don’t know what got her to this point, but there doesn’t seem to be any bringing her back. She is right about one thing, though. We psychics have terrible luck. And two psychics in one place is a recipe for tragic improbabilities. I glance above Anne-Marie. Through the gloom and shadows I can make out the shape of an old iron beam hanging from a rusted chain suspended on a old, broken down crane right above her. And I know what’s going to happen.

The future suddenly crystallizes for both of us. There’s no static because there’s only one path to be taken.

The chain snaps. The sound of the beam hitting the ground is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Its magnitude only serves to accentuate and reinforce the finality entailed by its fall.

I get up and brush the dust off of coat. I make my way over to the beam, picking up my abandoned flashlight on the way. There’s no sign of Anne Marie whatsoever. I shake my head and walk out into the pleasant air of the night. I always manage to have the wrong response to really serious events. This is no exception. For all my wanting to feel remorse, sadness, anything really, I can only manage one thought.

Looks like there’s only one psychic in town now.

2 comments

2 Comments so far

  1. Derek April 23rd, 2008 11:49 pm

    I guess I have to ask a question. What are you trying to acomplish with the ending? If its to illustrate the bad luck thing, then for the most part I think it works, but you’ll have to makes some comments there.

    This story felt to me like the bare bones of something. You have a good outline, but it moves to fast and is to sparse; it doesn’t feel like there is much meat. Though I guess you only have nine pages. This could be the front end of a book.

    Derek

  2. Derek April 24th, 2008 1:15 am

    Another comment about the showdown. I have a few questions for you as to why she waited until they were in the building. She could have just snuck up behind him and blown his head off, or whatever. I don’t entirely know how your psychics work. Anyway. Why does she try to kill him (this I am sure you already know) Why does she try it in the building? Why not somewhere else? Why did the thing fall in the first place?

    Your story indicates that some of these things might be known to you already, but some of them need to be adressed in the story. Her actions in the building are suprising, and interesting, but if shes turning into psychic killer, she sure does waste her one good chance to off the guy talking. She doesn’t strike me as the type to hesitate either, at least not after whatever it is in her has changed. None of these things need changing, they just need explaining. Maybe a tear runs down her cheek, maybe she doesn’t kill him right away because she can barely bring herself to do it. Maybe there is some important thing she found at the warehouse. Maybe shes the killer and this is where shes killed everyone else. Saves alot of mess and transport to kill em where you hide em. Maybe shes semi possessed, who knows.

    Whatever the answers are, we need a few of em at least to make things add up.

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