Comments on: Aldain, Ch. 12 http://www.andrewblatt.com/archives/23 Home to the Tale of Aldain and the Solomon Saga by Andrew Blatt Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:22:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Andrew http://www.andrewblatt.com/archives/23/comment-page-1#comment-75 Andrew Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:18:33 +0000 http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~ablatt/?p=23#comment-75 A lot of things are not entirely clear because the story has only been going on for 18 very short chapters. There is a lot of history that is not being addressed, at least not just yet. You are right about trends in language, but that doesn't mean that I want it to be true. Perhaps this is my way of showing how desperately dismayed I am with the way English is headed? A lot of things are not entirely clear because the story has only been going on for 18 very short chapters. There is a lot of history that is not being addressed, at least not just yet. You are right about trends in language, but that doesn’t mean that I want it to be true. Perhaps this is my way of showing how desperately dismayed I am with the way English is headed?

]]> By: blackcatphobia http://www.andrewblatt.com/archives/23/comment-page-1#comment-74 blackcatphobia Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:13:12 +0000 http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~ablatt/?p=23#comment-74 I'm going to sound a bit like a broken record, but again I want to comment on the fact that Aldain and Marguerite apparently come from Earth. I have several questions to ask and points to make about this. This is all my opinion, though. a) What time period? The tone suggests something quite old-fashioned, but the mention of magic existing 500 years ago leads me to believe that either it's Alternate History Earth, or is *at the very least* 500 years in the future. If it's in the future, then I shall be nitpicky and say that the way language is trending does not appear to be back towards the formal. b) The legend of the Creator and the Ancients does not ring true for a Terran background. Why? Well. Because we don't have those same legends, for a start. Maybe it would be easier to just use an original world? I guess it could work for Alternate History Earth or Future Earth, but then again, it does strike me that it'd be easier to just give the planet a new name. It's sufficiently different. I'd like to add that the tone *is* rather stiff and formal. I don't think it's your fault - first person present tense is incredibly hard to pull off, and often has the effect of the words being too heavy for the fluidity of the actions. And even though it is first person, we don't get much of a look into Aldain's head anyway, which is a shame. Maybe it would be worth trying it out from different perspectives to see if you can get something that fits better? Again, this is just my opinion, and you aren't obliged to listen to me. I’m going to sound a bit like a broken record, but again I want to comment on the fact that Aldain and Marguerite apparently come from Earth. I have several questions to ask and points to make about this. This is all my opinion, though.

a) What time period? The tone suggests something quite old-fashioned, but the mention of magic existing 500 years ago leads me to believe that either it’s Alternate History Earth, or is *at the very least* 500 years in the future. If it’s in the future, then I shall be nitpicky and say that the way language is trending does not appear to be back towards the formal.

b) The legend of the Creator and the Ancients does not ring true for a Terran background. Why? Well. Because we don’t have those same legends, for a start. Maybe it would be easier to just use an original world? I guess it could work for Alternate History Earth or Future Earth, but then again, it does strike me that it’d be easier to just give the planet a new name. It’s sufficiently different.

I’d like to add that the tone *is* rather stiff and formal. I don’t think it’s your fault – first person present tense is incredibly hard to pull off, and often has the effect of the words being too heavy for the fluidity of the actions. And even though it is first person, we don’t get much of a look into Aldain’s head anyway, which is a shame. Maybe it would be worth trying it out from different perspectives to see if you can get something that fits better?

Again, this is just my opinion, and you aren’t obliged to listen to me.

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